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Post by mrsvalden on Mar 11, 2008 0:03:23 GMT -5
Thanks for all your comments and advice, everyone. I'll post more tomorrow about what I told her tonight. I'm so tired that I really need to get to bed. The time change has thrown me for a loop. More tomorrow...
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Post by Allison on Mar 11, 2008 3:58:46 GMT -5
Carol, I really think what you are doing is great for your niece.
I'd write more, but my brain is so tired I can't think straight, so I better just go to bed, too.
Hope things went ok.
Congrats again on your belt!
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Post by Bibi on Mar 11, 2008 7:24:40 GMT -5
Hi Carol, I'm always behind... I think you have to tell and show her what's happening and in case she does it again you could see if AT&T blocks the text messages. I hope everything runs fine.
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Post by mrsvalden on Mar 11, 2008 13:45:28 GMT -5
Well, I didn't get a chance to talk to Haley as much as I wanted about the phone. At karate class she was telling me about her latest drama (she got into a fight at school on Friday and bloodied a girl's nose.) That's the 2nd fight and 2nd time she's bloodied a girl's nose in 6 months. She was suspended for 5 days (all this week.) Now granted, it was self-defense. For some reason this girl thought Haley was flirting with her boyfriend or something equally as silly, so she'd threatened Haley a couple weeks ago. But Haley told the principal and didn't fight the girl. Well on Friday, the girl came up behind Haley, shoved her, and pulled her hair. So Haley defended herself. She punched the girl in the face, bloodying her nose. Problem was she punched her about 3 times, and that might've been excessive. But if a girl was pulling my hair, I wouldn't just give in either. So she was telling me about all this, so I only mentioned the phone bill briefly. She doesn't realize who is in the AT&T network and who isn't. So she honestly didn't know she was racking up a bill. And I honestly believe her. She is very genuine, and never wants to take our money excessively anyway. So she felt bad, I think. And then I felt bad. But she said I should probably limit her texts outside the network to 200, because she'd probably not realize she was doing it again. And she was totally cool with that.
But then when I got home and talked to Richard about it, he said, "Well if we have to pay $5 to set these limits (AT&T calls them Smart Limits, but you have to pay a fee each month) then we could just pay the $20 for unlimited stuff." Well, darnit, he's the one that said we should just cut off texting all together and make her talk to people. He must've had a change of heart while I was at karate. So now I don't know what we'll do. The $20 would be the better deal. Maybe I'll just do that, but not tell her. Make her think that she needs to try to limit it, but she won't really know that she's not limited...I don't know. I'll think a bit more on it. You all made a lot of sense with what you said. I'm just a pushover, I'm afraid. It's a really good thing I don't have kids of my own. Well, if they were my own though, I think it would be easier to be more strict. I know that she doesn't get much love, so I hate to be a hard-ass with her too much.
Thanks again for all your input, my friends!! This is the best forum!!!
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Post by mrsvalden on Mar 11, 2008 15:12:49 GMT -5
Here's one of my favorite pictures of my nephews. This was taken in January. They were 1 and 4 at that time, but they've since turned 2 and 5. Daniel is the little guy and Zach is the older one. Doesn't Daniel look mischievous. He's a corker! And Zach is acting sooo grown up now. Aunt Carol loves those little guys!!
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Post by mrs"e" on Mar 11, 2008 16:08:43 GMT -5
Awwww, precious.
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Post by Allison on Mar 11, 2008 16:32:30 GMT -5
My parents did the unlimited texting for my brother and I -- my brother has a problem with overtexting, too (he just turned twentyone). We're all on a family plan, so it works out ok. Now we can just shoot each other texts, and not have to worry about how many we get from friends (a lot of my friends are text addicts!)
Haley sounds just like my daughter Bella's half-sister, Rebecca. Everything about her, actually! Rebecca is a great little girl, I met her when she was 7, and she's now 13. I don't see her hardly at all anymore, and I worry about her a lot. Bella's Dad had Rebecca when he was in high school, with a bad-choice girlfriend (like your brother-in-law).... Rebecca's mom has had 3 divorces (including one from someone who was a drug-dealer), works a third-shift job and leaves Rebecca at home to watch her other kids. It's scary. I used to beg Bella's Dad to try for custody of Rebecca, and I would spend tons of money buying her clothes and toys and school supplies, since her mother wouldn't. I took her on trips to Chicago with just me, trying to be a good influence in her life. I don't have access to her anymore, but I still worry about her and send presents to her. I just keep worrying she's going to end up just like her mom. She's such a pretty girl, too.
It was a sad thing to watch, so I feel your pain.
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Post by Bibi on Mar 12, 2008 7:35:49 GMT -5
Here's one of my favorite pictures of my nephews. This was taken in January. They were 1 and 4 at that time, but they've since turned 2 and 5. Daniel is the little guy and Zach is the older one. Doesn't Daniel look mischievous. He's a corker! And Zach is acting sooo grown up now. Aunt Carol loves those little guys!! The boys are really handsome!!! Congrats!!!
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Post by mrsvalden on Mar 12, 2008 11:07:05 GMT -5
I think so...but I thought I might be biased! Thanks, E!!
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Post by mrsvalden on Mar 12, 2008 11:09:26 GMT -5
Thanks very much, Gabriela. They look so innocent in that picture...but the little one can be quite the ornery 2-yr-old right now. He's still a sweetheart, but he likes to throw fits when he doesn't get his way. And that just started in the past couple months. Before that he was no problem. I guess most kids go through some kind of phase like that. But then he can be so super sweet that you forget about those few other times.
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Post by mrsvalden on Mar 12, 2008 11:13:31 GMT -5
Wow, Allison. Your situation with Rebecca does sound very similar to mine with Haley. It's so hard to watch something like that happen. I also wish that Haley's dad had tried for custody, but he's pretty much a loser too. (He's one of my husband's brother...the only brother that hubby can't stand.) He lives in my in-laws basement, because he hasn't had a job for years. He says he's disabled, but he won't do one dang thing to try to help himself. He won't go to the dr. He won't try to get on Social Security Disability. He won't try anything. He just sits in that basement and smokes and drinks. And I'm a little irritated with my in-laws for enabling him to do that. He doesn't make money, so he wouldn't be able to buy alcohol and cigarettes if it wasn't for them giving him money. And yet, my father-in-law says he doesn't have money to give to Haley. Grrr...Well, I'm not going to get into all that. But it's hard to watch. But it will still be better if she moves in with my in-laws and her dad, because at least they aren't abusive. And it's quieter and safer there. I pray that everything works out well for both Rebecca and Haley. They both deserve the best. My parents did the unlimited texting for my brother and I -- my brother has a problem with overtexting, too (he just turned twentyone). We're all on a family plan, so it works out ok. Now we can just shoot each other texts, and not have to worry about how many we get from friends (a lot of my friends are text addicts!) Haley sounds just like my daughter Bella's half-sister, Rebecca. Everything about her, actually! Rebecca is a great little girl, I met her when she was 7, and she's now 13. I don't see her hardly at all anymore, and I worry about her a lot. Bella's Dad had Rebecca when he was in high school, with a bad-choice girlfriend (like your brother-in-law).... Rebecca's mom has had 3 divorces (including one from someone who was a drug-dealer), works a third-shift job and leaves Rebecca at home to watch her other kids. It's scary. I used to beg Bella's Dad to try for custody of Rebecca, and I would spend tons of money buying her clothes and toys and school supplies, since her mother wouldn't. I took her on trips to Chicago with just me, trying to be a good influence in her life. I don't have access to her anymore, but I still worry about her and send presents to her. I just keep worrying she's going to end up just like her mom. She's such a pretty girl, too. It was a sad thing to watch, so I feel your pain.
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Post by mrsvalden on Mar 12, 2008 11:15:00 GMT -5
You got your green belt congrats ;DI think you should just put a cap on her texting if she keeps going over thats not telling her no its being reasonable anyway have fun in karate Thanks for the congrats, Coolkat!! I really appreciate that. We're considering the cap. I just wish it didn't cost $5 to put a cap on. That's irritating to me. They talk about how wonderful their parental controls are, but you have to pay for them. Everything costs, I guess.
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Post by mrsvalden on Mar 12, 2008 11:17:16 GMT -5
Thanks, little sis. I agree that we need to make Haley realize how much the phone costs. When I told her how much the overages were, she was shocked and felt really bad. So I think she'll be more aware in the future. I'm going to monitor it the rest of this month and then make a decision. Thanks for your advice. Those of you with kids are better at this stuff than me. Bummer. I think you should give her a choice. She could pay you $20 one month in advance, to cover the limitless texting plan OR she could pay the overcharges (show her the bills) each month, and her phone would be shut off until paid. I'm sure she'd choose the $20 unlimited texting. It could teach her about monthly bills and responsibilities. Without her even knowing it. There is no reason you two should be paying her phone bill. No reason. Those text messages aren't for emergency, they're all for entertainment. She needs to learn that costs money. And you're just the one to teach her. Good luck. Let us know how the "talk" goes. Green belt! Green belt! Green belt! Green belt! Green belt!
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Post by mrsvalden on Mar 12, 2008 11:23:08 GMT -5
Thanks so much for the congrats!! That means a lot. And thank you for the compliments about my relationship with Haley. She means so much to us. She hasn't moved in with my in-laws yet, but she told her mom that she would at the end of March. Supposedly, her younger half-brother will be going to live with his dad at that time, and she will feel like she can leave then. She just didn't want to leave him alone. He's not very emotionally stable. Haley is the strongest one in that family. And she has so much responsibility and pressure on her shoulders for someone so young. And has for years. Her mom asked her why she'd be moving out (duh!) and Haley said it was so she could be with her grandma when she got back home after her knee surgery, and because she wasn't happy there. And her mom just said something snotty like, "Well, see you in a couple months when you come back." Haley said she wouldn't, but I'll believe it when I see it. She just can't seem to detach herself from that hideous woman and that house. I had actually thought about the chores thing to "earn" money. I could use someone to clean my apartment, that's for sure. I will definitely keep that in mind. She does that with my father-in-law sometimes. She'll clean for him and then he'll give her some money. She's going on another Crusade with her church at the end of the month, and I asked her if she needed money (last time she needed $100.) But she said she wasn't going to take my money anymore, because we've already done too much. She said she'd do work for Grandpa and maybe he'd pay her. I hope she wasn't saying that because I brought up the phone bill, because I don't mind paying for other things. Useful things. It's just the text messaging that drives me insane. Because it's such a waste. Just call!! Thanks again for your advice and kind words. Congrats on your green belt!! I just read this for the first time and I feel for your niece. She is lucky to have such a wonderful aunt like you! Did she ever go to live with your in-laws? I don't have teenagers yet, but I think you have to limit the text messaging. She's testing her limits and you need to set a boundary. That's what kids need, especially kids like Haley who get no guidance at home. It probably won't be easy, she may be mad or upset, but in the end she'll still know that you love her and will be there for her no matter what. And it'll be good for her to learn responsibility. I know before you said she has no money, maybe if she goes over her text limit again, you could have her do chores at your house or your in-laws to "earn" the texts back plus it will get her away from her house...
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Post by mrsvalden on Mar 29, 2008 16:36:41 GMT -5
Here are a few pictures from Easter. Zach was fascinated with the game that Richard was playing. It was a Star Trek game on his PSP, and Zach loves space ships and Star Wars stuff. So now we've introduced him to Star Trek too. It's so cute how many questions he asked Richard about the aliens and ships. He was practially laying on Richard. And here was Daniel with my sister-in-law. I think he was eating jelly beans is why he's holding his mouth a little funny. They were both dressed up in little sweater vest outfits, but by the time we saw them their shirts were untucked and all. They changed clothes shortly after pictures.
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