|
Post by Little Pet Crazy on Feb 11, 2008 17:45:56 GMT -5
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Haley. I hope they are enough. I know what its like to be stuck somewhere where no ones cares about you and uses you. I left a similar situation when I was younger. Please tell her that its a big step but she has so many people that care about her and will not let her down. Big hugs Carol.
|
|
krycheck
White Mouse
:-* humble servant to the kiss of death :-*
Posts: 333
|
Post by krycheck on Feb 11, 2008 17:47:38 GMT -5
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Haley. I hope they are enough. I know what its like to be stuck somewhere where no ones cares about you and uses you. I left a similar situation when I was younger. Please tell her that its a big step but she has so many people that care about her and will not let her down. Big hugs Carol. That includes me! *pokes head into the thread* Your in my thoughts and prayers as well.
|
|
|
Post by mrsclean987 on Feb 11, 2008 18:09:45 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by mrs"e" on Feb 11, 2008 18:17:07 GMT -5
That even made me feel better.
|
|
|
Post by karajoy on Feb 11, 2008 18:29:03 GMT -5
Carol, I am totally the praying type so I will be praying for Haley and you and the situation. I go to a bible study on Thursday nights and we take prayer requests and pray as a group in agreement.. so we will be sure to pray for you and Haley and your families. Love ya.
|
|
|
Post by mrsvalden on Feb 11, 2008 21:55:19 GMT -5
Oh thank you so much, everyone!!! All of your comments and well wishes (and adorable pictures) mean sooo much to me. You can't imagine how much.
I'm still really upset. I came home and let it all out to my husband. He thinks Haley is so messed up in the head by her mom's abuse for the past 15 years, that it's hard for her to get away from it. Haley almost seems to have a self-destructive streak now and then. She has been known to self-cut a few times in the past, and maybe this is another way of hurting herself. Plus she's so used to this way of living, it's almost like she's blinded by it. And I'm afraid that it also seems that she's still hoping for her mom's love and approval somewhere deep down. She's like a whipped puppy...she just keeps coming back for more. I can't stand it. It's so hard to watch.
At 8:00 I texted her and asked how she was doing. She said she was at her aunt's house (this is her mom's sister.) Well, I'm not pleased with that either. Her aunt is the one that she stayed with for a while this past summer, and she's the one that offered her pot all the time. That's NOT what she needs right now. Why didn't she stay at my in-laws?!!! Why?!! I didn't want to harp at her about it, so I didn't ask. Just told her that I love her. I don't understand. I don't want to pester her about this, but she has to see what we are saying.
I am going to be devastated if she doesn't stay with my in-laws starting tomorrow. It's like she keeps coming up with excuses to not leave home.
Anyway, thanks again, everyone. You are all such a great bunch of friends. You really mean so much to me.
Now, I'll try to get through other posts and try to not be such a downer!
|
|
|
Post by Bibi on Feb 12, 2008 10:43:53 GMT -5
Oh Carol, I just see this today.
I hope from the bottom of myheart, that she goes to your in-laws today.
Like everybody said she's used to it, so it's hard for her. But God will show her the way!
Big Rugs!!!
|
|
|
Post by mrsvalden on Feb 12, 2008 10:51:00 GMT -5
Oh Carol, I just see this today. I hope from the bottom of myheart, that she goes to your in-laws today. Like everybody said she's used to it, so it's hard for her. But God will show her the way! Big Rugs!!! Thanks so much, Gabriela. I really appreciate it. I'm a little calmer today. I just keep praying that she will leave her mom's house. She has to leave if she's going to have a chance to make it. She just has to. She's been through way too much already. Thanks again, my friends! You mean so much to me.
|
|
|
Post by ♥ Kathryn ♥ on Feb 12, 2008 18:13:11 GMT -5
Sorry to hear that she went to her aunts house. I hope she decides to go to with your in-laws. I will be praying for her.
♥ lpsgirl ♥
|
|
|
Post by LPS NANA on Feb 12, 2008 19:15:40 GMT -5
HUGS TO YOU CAROL AND HALEY!!
I hope things get better for Haley soon. I agree with everyone else that I think she is so used to that way of life she doesn't know any different and she's probably really scared either way she goes. I hope she gets out soon and you all will be in my thoughts and prayers.
|
|
|
Post by mrsvalden on Mar 10, 2008 16:27:05 GMT -5
You all know that I love our niece, Haley, to death. I really do. But I'm in turmoil right now, because I'm a little upset with her about something, and I need to talk to her about it, but I don't want to hurt her feelings at all. She's in such a bad place right now, but I have to talk to her about this...
We bought her a cell phone a year ago and put her on our family plan. The main purpose for this was so that she could get in contact with us at anytime, day or night, in case her life at home got too bad. Well, it's been attached to her hand since that time. I'm not even sure if she puts it down to go to the bathroom.
Well, we have so many minutes (because hubby and I hardly ever talk on our phones) that the minutes for calls are not a problem at all. Even though she averages about 1000 calls a month, we still never get charged.
BUT, it's the text messaging. At first we didn't have any sort of messaging plan. And she started messaging, and it cost us, so we talked to her. We paid $4.99 a month so that she could have 200 text messages. I thought, SURELY that would be enough. Ummm...NO! She kept going over. She would always say she would pay us back, but I know that will never happen. We have to give her money for lunch, where's she going to get this magical money for text messages. So anyway, we got a plan where she could text an unlimited amount to other AT&T (formerly Cingular) customers. And then still the 200 messages to those outside AT&T. And that had been working pretty well for the past few months. The only thing she spent way too much on was downloads and ringtones. So I had to talk to her about that a few months ago, and she's done pretty well cutting back on that. But now she's starting to text more and more people outside AT&T.
Her average amount of text messages per month is 1700. That's right...almost 60 damned texts per day. I don't get it. I hate texting. It's such a pain in the butt!! It's like you're sending a damned telegraph message. Edison invented the phone so we wouldn't have to do that anymore!!! Gawd!!!
Anyway, but she was still keeping it within reason with the outside AT&T people. But she must have new friends now, because the past 2 months, her usage charges have been ridiculous. Last month she had $20 in useage (200 texts over the covered 200.) Then this month, the useage charges were $34.70!!! That's 347 texts over the covered 200.) So out of the 1700 texts she had, 547 were to/from non-AT&T customers! I am so upset. I just found this out today when we got the bill. We can't pay that much every month!!! And what really irritates me is that she will text back and forth with someone for over 2 hours...instead of just calling them!!! Text back and forth, back and forth, back and forth....Call them!!! You can call them for free!!! They texted back and forth 45 times in 2 hours one night. Gawd!!!
So I've printed out the texts and highlighted those outside AT&T and I'm going to show her. Maybe she has forgotten that. Or doesn't realize they are outside.
We could pay $20 per month for unlimited texting (that's all networks.) But I don't know if I want to give in like that. I want her to be responsible about this. I could also put a cap on her texting and have it not allow her to text anymore beyond that 200 outside the network. 2 options...but first I'm going to talk to her and just see if she'll adjust on her own.
Ok, I'm just so upset. I don't like having to tell her no. She gets that enough in her life. But there is a limit to our generosity. I don't mind how much we spend on eye dr/glasses, dentist/fillings/wisdom tooth removal, and lunch money. Or clothes money. Karate lessons. Stuff like that. Useful stuff. But these texts are a waste of money to me. I know I'm old, and I just don't GET it. But there is a limit to my kindness.
I'm irritated, because I was excited about getting my green belt tonight. But now I have to worry about talking to her about this at karate tonight. Maybe I'll just wait and talk to her on Wednesday so I don't ruin my happy time tonight. Bah!
I feel so old and crotchety...
|
|
|
Post by mrsclean987 on Mar 10, 2008 16:34:36 GMT -5
You all know that I love our niece, Haley, to death. I really do. But I'm in turmoil right now, because I'm a little upset with her about something, and I need to talk to her about it, but I don't want to hurt her feelings at all. She's in such a bad place right now, but I have to talk to her about this... We bought her a cell phone a year ago and put her on our family plan. The main purpose for this was so that she could get in contact with us at anytime, day or night, in case her life at home got too bad. Well, it's been attached to her hand since that time. I'm not even sure if she puts it down to go to the bathroom. Well, we have so many minutes (because hubby and I hardly ever talk on our phones) that the minutes for calls are not a problem at all. Even though she averages about 1000 calls a month, we still never get charged. BUT, it's the text messaging. At first we didn't have any sort of messaging plan. And she started messaging, and it cost us, so we talked to her. We paid $4.99 a month so that she could have 200 text messages. I thought, SURELY that would be enough. Ummm...NO! She kept going over. She would always say she would pay us back, but I know that will never happen. We have to give her money for lunch, where's she going to get this magical money for text messages. So anyway, we got a plan where she could text an unlimited amount to other AT&T (formerly Cingular) customers. And then still the 200 messages to those outside AT&T. And that had been working pretty well for the past few months. The only thing she spent way too much on was downloads and ringtones. So I had to talk to her about that a few months ago, and she's done pretty well cutting back on that. But now she's starting to text more and more people outside AT&T. Her average amount of text messages per month is 1700. That's right...almost 60 damned texts per day. I don't get it. I hate texting. It's such a pain in the butt!! It's like you're sending a damned telegraph message. Edison invented the phone so we wouldn't have to do that anymore!!! Gawd!!! Anyway, but she was still keeping it within reason with the outside AT&T people. But she must have new friends now, because the past 2 months, her usage charges have been ridiculous. Last month she had $20 in useage (200 texts over the covered 200.) Then this month, the useage charges were $34.70!!! That's 347 texts over the covered 200.) So out of the 1700 texts she had, 547 were to/from non-AT&T customers! I am so upset. I just found this out today when we got the bill. We can't pay that much every month!!! And what really irritates me is that she will text back and forth with someone for over 2 hours...instead of just calling them!!! Text back and forth, back and forth, back and forth....Call them!!! You can call them for free!!! They texted back and forth 45 times in 2 hours one night. Gawd!!! So I've printed out the texts and highlighted those outside AT&T and I'm going to show her. Maybe she has forgotten that. Or doesn't realize they are outside. We could pay $20 per month for unlimited texting (that's all networks.) But I don't know if I want to give in like that. I want her to be responsible about this. I could also put a cap on her texting and have it not allow her to text anymore beyond that 200 outside the network. 2 options...but first I'm going to talk to her and just see if she'll adjust on her own. Ok, I'm just so upset. I don't like having to tell her no. She gets that enough in her life. But there is a limit to our generosity. I don't mind how much we spend on eye dr/glasses, dentist/fillings/wisdom tooth removal, and lunch money. Or clothes money. Karate lessons. Stuff like that. Useful stuff. But these texts are a waste of money to me. I know I'm old, and I just don't GET it. But there is a limit to my kindness. I'm irritated, because I was excited about getting my green belt tonight. But now I have to worry about talking to her about this at karate tonight. Maybe I'll just wait and talk to her on Wednesday so I don't ruin my happy time tonight. Bah! I feel so old and crotchety... She knows the limits because you told her. I'm sure she didn't forget. She's a teenager and they will push the limits. If you don't tell her that you are not willing to pay for her overages soon, she'll keep doing it. I know this frustrates you, but you need to talk to her. I think your idea as far as copying off the bills would do some good. She never sees the bill, so she probably really has no idea. You are a great Aunt and she is so lucky to have you!!! Aren't you glad you don't have teenagers of your own?! Hee hee Love ya! Boodie
|
|
|
Post by coolkat on Mar 10, 2008 16:36:11 GMT -5
You got your green belt congrats ;DI think you should just put a cap on her texting if she keeps going over thats not telling her no its being reasonable anyway have fun in karate
|
|
|
Post by mrs"e" on Mar 10, 2008 18:38:18 GMT -5
Bummer. I think you should give her a choice. She could pay you $20 one month in advance, to cover the limitless texting plan OR she could pay the overcharges (show her the bills) each month, and her phone would be shut off until paid. I'm sure she'd choose the $20 unlimited texting. It could teach her about monthly bills and responsibilities. Without her even knowing it. There is no reason you two should be paying her phone bill. No reason. Those text messages aren't for emergency, they're all for entertainment. She needs to learn that costs money. And you're just the one to teach her. Good luck. Let us know how the "talk" goes.
Green belt! Green belt! Green belt! Green belt! Green belt!
|
|
|
Post by joystoys on Mar 10, 2008 20:13:44 GMT -5
Congrats on your green belt!! I just read this for the first time and I feel for your niece. She is lucky to have such a wonderful aunt like you!
Did she ever go to live with your in-laws?
I don't have teenagers yet, but I think you have to limit the text messaging. She's testing her limits and you need to set a boundary. That's what kids need, especially kids like Haley who get no guidance at home. It probably won't be easy, she may be mad or upset, but in the end she'll still know that you love her and will be there for her no matter what.
And it'll be good for her to learn responsibility. I know before you said she has no money, maybe if she goes over her text limit again, you could have her do chores at your house or your in-laws to "earn" the texts back plus it will get her away from her house...
|
|